An American Lawn Story

Life gets in the way of life.  This election.  Parenting.  Pet parenting. Commuting for work. Dishes that beg for attention.  Laundry that sneaks up on you (and hides for a day in the washing machine, after being washed).  The fact it took me 55 minutes to drive to my daughter’s school from my work and I was almost late picking her up.  All of this ‘living’ has gotten in the way of me wanting to share a story with you all.

My dog, my beautiful (probably 100 pounds by now) cuddle monster (aka Cane Corso baby), hates my yard.  She lets me know in not-so-subtle ways…like repeatedly peeing on my Target outdoor rug.  Yes, I bought two in the past, but she peed on the prettier one that I displayed more prominently on my tiny patio.  The beautiful white and blue chevron striped one that graced the front stoop of my past home.  I felt like my home was starting to get fancy because I was incorporating more bold pieces to balance out my understated staples, namely wood pieces.  My dog peed on it over and over again.  We cleaned it over and over again as a result.  I was determined to salvage my rug….but there was no saving it from repeated damage.

I can’t blame her.  This home, while quaint, has large rock in the backyard in lieu of grass or a full concrete slab.  It is not an appealing yard space but I have dreams that will satisfy me for now and hopefully a small patch of green will keep my dog from peeing on the new rug, which I won’t get until after her needs are addressed first!

I will not invest in real grass in Arizona.  I know some people adore having a real lawn, the feel of, lovingly maintaining it, followed by great appreciation when said lawn rivals all others in the neighborhood with its perfect full thickness and height, bright green color, and even patterns of cross-cut mowing.  Not me.

I want low maintenance.  I kill all things green.  Plants cry at the sheer idea of being gifted to me.  Flowers wither as I pass them in the grocery store.  Home Depot would probably ban me from their garden section if they realized the kind of damage I can do to plant life.  (In fact, perhaps that’s the reason they didn’t hire me the year I left the Marine Corps.  Just a thought.)

My idea of the ideal lawn is artificial turf.  I can’t kill it.  It doesn’t require the care of a regular lawn (albeit watering is still necessary).  My dog might actually pee on it, saving me from many rug purchases for years to come.

I will be saving up to get Little Miss Picky her astroturf dream space before next summer rolls around.  However, it is fun to scout around for now (see fun below) and figure out how much her pampered dreams will set me back.  (If anyone wants to crowd fund a backyard for me, I won’t mind.)





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